Fan Fiction Attack

Alternative title: The Adventure of Trilby and his Cluestick

You know what's awesome?

Fiction.

The twists! The turns! The way you can make a whole new world where people smoke budgies and live in wibbly wobbly jelly baby houses and all walk on the ceiling...

Wow, what a weird mental image.

And do you know what else is awesome?

Fans!

Hearing that you are appreciated for your hard work is a reward in itself.

Also don't forgot that some fans would offer to perform sexual acts on you too-

-wait where are you going? Come back, I was only kidding!

*ahem*

Now by now you're probably wondering where I'm going with this (or probably not if you decided to read the title)

My point is as follows:

FANS are GOOD, FICTION is GOOD but the two should NEVER be put together!

Its like having a cake and a good book, you may enjoy both of them to death but you wouldnt be so fucking stupid as to stick your book in a cake.

Would you gain satisfaction from it? Maybe, but most of the time you'll just get a drippy sticky melty mess.

Now you may come and say to me, 'But Trilby, I've read a lot of really good fanfiction, how can you say they should never be put together'

To which I would reply 'How the fuck did you get into my house?!'

I kid really, I do acknowledge that there are extremely gifted fanfic writers out there who can weave a compelling story and keep me interested up to the final word.

Which is why I wonder why they don't go back through, change all the names and, oh I don't know, make it an ORIGINAL piece of their own creation!

Then they could make some money from their fine piece of work.

Sweet...sweet...money...

My main arguments why Fan Fiction should be sent to a circle of hell that Dante was too much of a pussy to write about are as follows:

1. Most Fanfic writers are hormonal teenage girls.

Believe it or not, many of these stories were made by girls normally in their teenage years who got hold of a computer and a boxset of YuGi Oh and thought it would be a good idea to make Yami Yugi have sex with everyone!

At a guess, I'd say its because girls care more about who is sleeping with who than anything else in a mythos of work.

Now while I should forgive them for being young and naive at how much shit they are actually spewing in their stories.

But then I remind myself that this was the target audience for Twilight and continue to drop TREES on them.

2. Some people are friggin' weird.

And I don't mean zany, college kid type weird. I mean the 'don't put your hand too close to his face, he bites' type of weird.

In the world of fanfiction, everyone has free reign to do whatever they want to defile the workings of the creator, and this means everyone.

If you were to put into a fanfic search 'Sailor Moon cast having tentacle rape sex with the Lord of the Rings cast while performing fallatio on a dog', you know what it would say?

'Please specify type of dog'.

And you know somewhere deep in the back of your mind that someone out there in this world is reading it and getting off to it.

More evidence that Darwinism doesn't work.

3. Writing real world fan fiction or bringing in religion where it doesn't quite fit.

You may not realise it from this blog, but I am not a religious person.

Oh fuck you, stop laughing.

Seriously, stop.

Now while I respect most religions (except cults and whatnot) and agree that real world politics does affect people all over, why should this be then dragged into part of your escapism for some dolt with a keyboard to stand on a soapbox for his views on global warming?

Isn't the point of fiction to get away from the woes and weary worries of the world (I love alliteration)? 

Case in point, I have recently come across a piece of....*sigh* fiction titled, I shit you not, 'Harry Potter turns to the Lord'.

Well fuck a duck, what am I to even SAY to that?

It's Harry Potter becoming a buggering christian and saying that witchcraft is evil! Yes readers, Harry Potter, the boy who thought Hogwarts more of a home than he ever felt with his aunt and uncle, thinks that magic is now evil cos some prick converted you to christianity.

While the moral of the story was....actually I have no idea what the moral is meant to be. Why was this crap written exactly??

In conclusion, I make a pledge that if my story does indeed reach its intended conclusion, that anyone who makes fanfiction of it that is actually GOOD and I get to see it will get my personal commendation.

Not much I know, but its much better than what I'll do to you if I find anyone making a fanfic that contains the word 'wing wong' in a serious manner.

Fanfiction is really really weird. This probably won't be the last time I mention it.

Until Next Time
Trilby

Got some Explaining to do...

Alternative Title: What the fuck are you talking about Trilby??

Alright alright.

I probably would have put this as the very first topic of this blog when I mentioned the 'I am writing a book' bit on the first page.

But I wasn't in the mood to talk about that then. I said I would explain what my story is about to you.

So here it is, as full as I can explain it at this point.

Enjoy.

So the premise of the story is that there are two seperate worlds: One is Earth where the Humans (known here as Terran) live, and Kalama, where the creatures, species and races of legend and myth live. Kalama also has magic and thus, Wizards.

A very long time ago, when Wizards were only just starting to learn and master Magic, they became reckless and punched a hole through the World Between (the space that seperates all worlds) and made a portal. Passing through this portal, they found the Terran and the two started to meet and cohabit, learning from each other.

This continued in a somewhat harmony until the sometime in the Early Modern Peroid. Wizards were becoming more frequent and religious groups began to grow fearful of their power. They declared that Magic was a sin and began a crusade against the Kalamian races and users of magic, spreading fear and distrust throughout the land with tales of 'witchcraft' and 'sorcery'. Panic ensued and magic-users were burnt at the stake in unfair trials.

Not standing for this, the Kalamian Wizards decided the Terran were now no longer allies and were trying to destroy their way of life. Not wanting to cause bloodshed and an all out war, they evacuated all of their people they could back into Kalama and sealed the portal they had created. They placed its essence into the Silver Door and locked it, so that nobody could go through to Earth again.

Centuries past and the Kalamian races turned from fact to rumours and obscured into legends, and belief in them faded out over the passage of time. Much the same happened in Kalama too, the Terran were bedtime stories and tales used by parents to send their children off to sleep with. Aside from the select few on each side of the Door, nobody thought the other world was anything but a set of stories and myths.

All this was to change when the Wizards of Kalama, protectors of the Door fell to a rogue Wizard called Lord Deemer, formerly a Terran himself.  Craving absolute power, Deemer sought the key to the Silver Door so he and his forces could conquer Earth after he has full control of Kalama.

Jack Langley, Archmage and the holder of the only key to open the Silver Door, sent the key to Earth so that Deemer couldn't get hold of it and Earth would remain safe no matter what fate would befall Kalama. Along with it, he placed his Mind and Soul into the key so he could guard it and protect it still while it was on Earth.

However, this key was found by the storys protagonist, Kimberly Harker, a 16 year old girl who along with her best friend Billy Malloy and the charming but rougish James Willow, use the key and travel through the Silver Door into Kalama.

They are trapped there, unable to return home and are the key targets in a war for control over the world of Kalama and, should they fall, their own world too.

With the assistance of an outcast Satyr prince named Mednik and the Dwarf named Rudar, Kim, James and Billy must gather the forces or Kalama and find Jack Langley if they are ever going to get home...and save their world from the forces of the Nightmare Storm.

So there you have it.

That is the story of the Kalama: Beyond The Silver Door in a nutshell.

I hope you like it and that you leave comments on improvements and opinions.

That's all for now. Until next time.
Trilby 

Kimberly Harker

There she is!

Ain't she a bonny lass?

This people is Kimberly Harker, the female lead in The Silver Door.

She was very kindly drawn by Bethany Hall upon request.

So thank you so much Beth :) You're a star for doing that!

Please leave your comments about it at the bottom :)

Untill next time

Trilby

Venting Steam.

Alternative Title: Fangirls, Orlando and Elves, oh my!

Well I finally got this buggering thing to work. Which in itself doesn't sound like an achievement until you realise that I'm working from a Vista!

Pity the boy!

I didn't really want to write a journal. I'm too busy doing important shit like sitting about, eating crisps and occasionally scratching myself.

But then my friend came along and said 'Hey you know what? You should do a blog!' and I thought 'What the hell? I can fit five minutes into my heavy schedule...'

So I made one.

And then promptly forgot about it.

What? I'm busy dammit!

But I digress, things have been real busy lately. I've got a professional English Language expert to agree to review K:TSD (thats Kalama: The Silver Door for the simple) for me after its finished.

One day, I'll decide to tell you peeps about it in a bit more detail. But not today. I'm tired, leave me be. I will say that there are no Elves in it. I. HATE. ELVES!

No seriously, Elves are pointless! They live for hundreds of years, they are supposedly wiser, stronger and more agile than us humble humans and yet what have they achieved??

They still live in the fucking TREES for Gods sake!

Secondly, because of the fucktard teenage girls that only like Legolas in Peter Jackman's Lord of the Rings because Orlando Bloom played him.

Now I've read J.R.R Tolkien's books and Legolas to me was a much more interesting character there.

No offense to Bloom, he's a great guy, I love his films. But when these people (and I use that word veeery loosely) go on and on and on about how smexy he is over forums, it makes me want to apply face to desk.

Repeatedly.

That kind of fandom is something I want to avoid, almost as bad as the shite I read about that guy whose name escapes me from Twilight.

So, no elves. Hardy hardy har.

I'm all out of rage for now, I'll try and stick up a new post here two, maybe three times a week. Don't forget to comment of course.

Until next time
Trilby