Fan Fiction Attack

Alternative title: The Adventure of Trilby and his Cluestick

You know what's awesome?

Fiction.

The twists! The turns! The way you can make a whole new world where people smoke budgies and live in wibbly wobbly jelly baby houses and all walk on the ceiling...

Wow, what a weird mental image.

And do you know what else is awesome?

Fans!

Hearing that you are appreciated for your hard work is a reward in itself.

Also don't forgot that some fans would offer to perform sexual acts on you too-

-wait where are you going? Come back, I was only kidding!

*ahem*

Now by now you're probably wondering where I'm going with this (or probably not if you decided to read the title)

My point is as follows:

FANS are GOOD, FICTION is GOOD but the two should NEVER be put together!

Its like having a cake and a good book, you may enjoy both of them to death but you wouldnt be so fucking stupid as to stick your book in a cake.

Would you gain satisfaction from it? Maybe, but most of the time you'll just get a drippy sticky melty mess.

Now you may come and say to me, 'But Trilby, I've read a lot of really good fanfiction, how can you say they should never be put together'

To which I would reply 'How the fuck did you get into my house?!'

I kid really, I do acknowledge that there are extremely gifted fanfic writers out there who can weave a compelling story and keep me interested up to the final word.

Which is why I wonder why they don't go back through, change all the names and, oh I don't know, make it an ORIGINAL piece of their own creation!

Then they could make some money from their fine piece of work.

Sweet...sweet...money...

My main arguments why Fan Fiction should be sent to a circle of hell that Dante was too much of a pussy to write about are as follows:

1. Most Fanfic writers are hormonal teenage girls.

Believe it or not, many of these stories were made by girls normally in their teenage years who got hold of a computer and a boxset of YuGi Oh and thought it would be a good idea to make Yami Yugi have sex with everyone!

At a guess, I'd say its because girls care more about who is sleeping with who than anything else in a mythos of work.

Now while I should forgive them for being young and naive at how much shit they are actually spewing in their stories.

But then I remind myself that this was the target audience for Twilight and continue to drop TREES on them.

2. Some people are friggin' weird.

And I don't mean zany, college kid type weird. I mean the 'don't put your hand too close to his face, he bites' type of weird.

In the world of fanfiction, everyone has free reign to do whatever they want to defile the workings of the creator, and this means everyone.

If you were to put into a fanfic search 'Sailor Moon cast having tentacle rape sex with the Lord of the Rings cast while performing fallatio on a dog', you know what it would say?

'Please specify type of dog'.

And you know somewhere deep in the back of your mind that someone out there in this world is reading it and getting off to it.

More evidence that Darwinism doesn't work.

3. Writing real world fan fiction or bringing in religion where it doesn't quite fit.

You may not realise it from this blog, but I am not a religious person.

Oh fuck you, stop laughing.

Seriously, stop.

Now while I respect most religions (except cults and whatnot) and agree that real world politics does affect people all over, why should this be then dragged into part of your escapism for some dolt with a keyboard to stand on a soapbox for his views on global warming?

Isn't the point of fiction to get away from the woes and weary worries of the world (I love alliteration)? 

Case in point, I have recently come across a piece of....*sigh* fiction titled, I shit you not, 'Harry Potter turns to the Lord'.

Well fuck a duck, what am I to even SAY to that?

It's Harry Potter becoming a buggering christian and saying that witchcraft is evil! Yes readers, Harry Potter, the boy who thought Hogwarts more of a home than he ever felt with his aunt and uncle, thinks that magic is now evil cos some prick converted you to christianity.

While the moral of the story was....actually I have no idea what the moral is meant to be. Why was this crap written exactly??

In conclusion, I make a pledge that if my story does indeed reach its intended conclusion, that anyone who makes fanfiction of it that is actually GOOD and I get to see it will get my personal commendation.

Not much I know, but its much better than what I'll do to you if I find anyone making a fanfic that contains the word 'wing wong' in a serious manner.

Fanfiction is really really weird. This probably won't be the last time I mention it.

Until Next Time
Trilby